November 28, 2003
Hours pass by half forgotten...
I've been listening to Crooked Fingers self-titled debut album quite a bit, especially in the past few days. Some of the songs, especially "Crowned in Chrome," "New Drink for the Old Drunk," and "Broken Man" are really getting to me.
I've recognized two different types sorry-for-myself music in the past few days. The first I call the "pissed-off chick" category, and it comprises such artists as Aimee Mann. Her stuff is really good, especially the Magnolia soundtrack, but I'm liking it less and less these days. The attitude of most of her music can be summed up in one line from "How Am I Different" off of her Bachelor No. 2 album: "Do you really want to wait until I prove you wrong?" The fundamental assumption running through the whole thing seems to be that whatever difficulties you may be facing, the real problems lie with someone else. It's a victim, a martyr attitude, and it's profoundly unhealthy and unproductive, not to mention damaging to those around you. It's self-affirming in a place where repentance is probably more appropriate.
Crooked Fingers, on the other hand, provides portraits of various people who have come to the end of their rope. Yet the attitude is pretty uniformly that whatever misery you are currently experiencing, you are the primary cause. It's full of lines such as: "Spitting in the eyes that helped you look away/ From your darkest hour" or "And you cringe as you binge to forget how you hate/ All the doom in this pitiful room you create". It may be heartless, but this really seems to be true.
Aimee Mann comes off basically sounding prideful, as if she has been wronged and is waiting for whoever it is to apologize. Eric Bachmann sounds as if he's been to hell, hasn't really come back yet, and has an intimate knowledge of the fact that "it's so hard to take a stand when you're a broken man".
It's really a shame, but I know people of whom the following is true: "You say that you're slipping away/ As you turn from the hand that could save you" and it breaks my heart.
Break is going well. I've had time to relax, seen some old friends, and learned that I'm eligible for exemption from final exams. I'll be back in Chattavegas on Sunday.
Dude, I'm not sure it counts as healthier to listen to self-depricating music if you're just doing it to feel self-righteous about other people's shortcomings.
Posted by: Jack at November 29, 2003 11:22 AMYeah, that came off badly, now that I read it again. That's not what I was going for.
Crooked Fingers is the kind of music I listen to when I'm feeling low - or need to be reminded of what it is to feel that way. It's a wonderful reminder of the problems I cause myself.
But in the past few weeks I've had some situations develop with several different people I'm close to in which their problems are almost entirely self-caused. I want to help them more than anything, but you can't help someone who is blaming you and/or other people for their own misfortune. And the reason I've become sensitive to that in other people? Well, it takes one to know one.
Posted by: ryan at November 29, 2003 01:48 PM