Ranting to /dev/null

It is at Christmas that my never robust trust in human nature often reaches its annual nadir. The bad taste, intellectual vapidity, and needless cruelty demonstrated by the decision to subject one's "loved ones" to Christmas music during the "festive season" - a decision, judging by album sales, made by hundreds of thousands of Americans every year - calls into question the sincerity of the nation's philanthropic actions throughout the rest of the year.

Well, somebody needs to read a little of "The War Against Christmas," this year's holiday treat from FOX News host Charles Gibson.

From the press kit:

"Gibson shows readers how they can help save Christmas from being twisted beyond recognition, with even the slightest reference to Jesus completely disappearing.

"The annual debate will be hotter than ever in 2005, and this book will be perfect for everyone who’s pro-Christmas."

That last line, which somehow manages to transform nostalgaic emotions into superfluous political ideology and market an entirely useless product at the same time, is particularly moving. I eagerly await the sequel, "The War Against Food" --which will unite the silent majority that has feared to speak in favor of nutrition.

The Egyptian plover habitually feeds off scraps of rancid meat caught in the jaws of crocodiles, who allow them free access to their dentures in exchange for the resultant protection against gingivitis. Somehow this association reminds me of the relationship between the FOX news crowd and ACLU et al.: I don't know who's hopping amongst whose rancid, noisome molars, but in any case the sight ain't pretty - and the only ones losing out are the helpless wildebeests stumbling through the aisles of Wal-Mart in search of the next psuedo-controversy.

How 'bout, "Merry CHRISTmas!"? May a get-together not escape us too many times in '06. Thinkin' of ya.
Steve